Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
