There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
