I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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