you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
