I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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