Who did Billy Mays play for?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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