I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
