there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
