she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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