I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
