OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So much Jack, so little girl.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
