It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
