I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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