I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
