i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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