I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
