your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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