he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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