Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
