Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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