so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
