i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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