I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
