So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
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Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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