There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Apparently you make a good broom.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
