Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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