Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
