how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
