whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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