I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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