I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
