your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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