I will die if light touches me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
