On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
