He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
