hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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