We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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