just come out here and I will go home with you...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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