I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
