wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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