Fuck appropriateness.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I did not marry a roomba.
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