Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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