Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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