the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Swine flu is the new snow day.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
