Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
