I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
