Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
