I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
