i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
