We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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