oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
