my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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