thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We have started to decorate penises.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
