so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
