I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
