i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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