Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
