Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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