the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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