There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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