K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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