you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
