I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
