I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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