Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
