never play flip cup with pint glasses
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
