Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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