you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
